And If I Leave
by kellez69
Summary: When Miroku leaves for fear that he will die, something happens to Sango. Miroku realises a horror in which the kazanna can't comepare!Rated M for safety. MirSan
1. Default chapter

And If I Leave...

Disclaimer:Nope I don't own Inuaysha. But I do own this fanfic and the whole plot! This is a story about something we were dreading the enitire show! Well that's all I'm going to say, you'll have to read it!

A note she found. That's it. He was gone, somewhere out in the winter wonderland. As complicated as it sounds,  
she knew why he left. He was scared; it exsitied her, but scared her to death. She loved seeing that he had fear, though sometimes he'd mask it so no one could see. Almost like her. No. Not like her, she could never be as strong as him. Ever.

Sango sighed and woke Inuyasha to tell him the news. "Houshi-sama left." she said once he was awake.

"He'll be back." Inuaysha snorted.

"He said he's not someing back this time." Sango said, "We need to find him."

"I can't sniff him out in this weather." Inuyasha sighed, "All I can smell is water and snow."

"This is all my fault." Sango breathed, holding back tears.

"No it's not." Kagome said, now fully awake.

"Yeah," Inuyasha agreed, "He's the one who made the Kazanna spread wider, not you."

"But still if I had not been knocked out, he wouldn't have had to use the kazanna." Sango pointed out.

"Feh." Inuaysha snorted, dropping the subject.

"Get some sleep, Sango." Kagome said, "Your injuries are horrible and you need your strength."

"But I-!" Sango was knocked in the head. Inuysha grunted, "She'll be out for a while."

"OWASARI!" Kagome shouted, "How dare you?!"

"What? She needed sleep!" Inuyasha shouted back.

"Owasari!"

...Somewhere in the snow...

Miroku was treading through the cold snow, his robes soaked. His shiverd but kept going. He was tired, and hungry.  
No villages where near. 'Damn.' he thought, 'I'm sorry Sango...I never told you this but...I love you. It's for your own good though. If I die and you love me, you won't be able to live would you?' He let out a stiffled sigh. His heart felt like it was dieing inside his chest. He couldn't imagine not seeing her by him anymore...'It's for the best.' He set off again. 


	2. fear

And If I leave... ch.1-gone.

The first chapie was a starter. Now here is the first chapter! Does a lil' dance well anyway here's the chapie!

Sango walked behind the group. Slowly edging to the next village. He was gone. 'I didn't even get to tell him yet'  
Every day she was fighting the urge to tell Miroku that she loved him. It was always, "I'll tell him tomarrow.", and never today.  
But now she couldn't tell him. Her heart snapped in two. That letter he wrote killed her. She memorised every word:

Dear Sango-chan,

If you are reading this now you must know that I am missing. I had to leave, I couldn't put you guys in danger anymore.  
I guess this is just the way I was fated to die. Alone. I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly, but please take care of yourself okay?  
Also I wanted to say something else to you...I love you. I have ever since I laid eyes on you. (A/n: over used I know, but cute none the less )  
Your absolutely perfect. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. I'm sorry that we got so close because it hurts leaving you.  
I feel like my heart died, but I left only to protect you. Naraku (damn him by the way) gave me this curse and I was to be alone and this is why I cannot be more than a comanion to you. I wish to be more...a lot more. I'm sorry Sango-chan. I have no more to say.  
Farewell.

Sinncerly your's,  
Miroku

"What a jerk!" Kagome shouted, "Telling Sango-chan all this and leaveing!"

"It's okay," Sango smiled, "I'm not hurt. I understand all this."

"He still didn't have to do this to you." Kagome said, "Don't you think-"

Sango walked ahead, cutting off Kagome's talking. She did not want to hear what she had to say. At all. She could survive without Miroku.  
Or at least that's what she wanted to think. The truth was, she couldn't live a day without him. No matter how hard she tried. Everyday seemed like hell.  
Nothing was worse than the pain she was going through now. No matter how hard she tried to push him out, he was inside her mind all day. His smile,  
his eyes, his face, and even his wandering hand. And somehow, even if he was there, Sango knew she wouldn't mind if he did touch her anymore...

...Somewhere in the forest...

Miroku kept moving unsure if he was heading toward Naraku. At this point he didn't care if he was or not. He was tired and didn't care about anything but food and shelter. Hail was begining to pelt down on him. He rested under a tree to escape the hail. He paused when he thought he heard someone crying. Cautiously he edged around the tree to see a hunched figure. Indeed the figure was crying for the shoulders were shakeing and it was letting out stiffled breathing.  
He looked carefully at the figure and his eyes widend. 'No, it can't be her!' He stepped backwords and almost fell backwords.

"Sango-chan?" he asked.

The figure turned to him.

"W-who are you?" the figure asked.

"It's me, Miroku." he said.

She slumped to the ground and started crying again.

"Sango-chan? Are you okay?" he asked.

"N-N..." she started.

"Nani? No? is that what you are trying to say?" he questioned.

"N-Naraku." she said, fainting.

Miroku picked her up and ran toward the nearest village. Inuyasha met up with him in the center of the village.  
She had many more injuries than she already had. She had a mark on her neck, her bottom lip was split open, and she was bleeding elsewhere.  
Inuyasha smelt her blood and helped Miroku bring her to Kagome. Kagome ordered the boys out while she stripped Sango and bandaged her.  
Kagome almost cried seeing Sango unrobed.

'It looks like she was...no it couldn't be. Sango would never let that happen.' Kagome thought.

She bandaged the sleeping taijiya and set her on one of the futons. She left the hut and found the boys. Miroku was pacing, awaitng to hear about the damage.

"She looks really bad. I couldn't put clothes on her otherwise it would upset her injuries." Kagome said.  
"What do you think happend to her?" Miroku asked.

"I had one idea..but I don't think it could have happened to Sango-chan." Kagome answered.

"By her scent...I think she was mated." Inuyasha replied.

"Mated?!" Kagome cried, "So I was right!"

"What in the world are you two talking about?" Miroku asked.

"We mean that Sango was raped." Kagome said, Inuaysha nodded.

"No...that's impossible!" Miroku shouted, "Who could have-Naraku!"

"Naraku?!" Kagome cried, "Where did you get that idea?"

"Sango was saying something about Naraku befor she fainted." Miroku said.

"I guess all we have to do is sit wait and see if she gets better." Inuyasha sighed.

Miroku walked into the hut. Sango was sitting up on the futon. He walked over to her and took her hand.  
She jumped at his touch, and pulled away from him. He frowned. 'Your so terrified'  
He held out her plate. She stared at the plate for a minute then carefully took it from him. He smiled at her.  
Sango slowly began to eat. He moved his hand and she froze. He put his hand on his knee. She started to eat again.  
Miroku's frown deppend. 'She frezzes everytime I move. Damn you Naraku! How dare you do this to her?!'

"Gomen natsai..." Miroku said.

"Nani, Houshi-sama?" Sango asked.

"I'm sorry Naraku did this to you." Miroku answerd, " 


	3. A small step to recovery

And If I Leave... Ch.. 3

"It's not your fault." Sango said, lying down on the futon.

"Still, he had no right." Miroku replied.

Sango closed her eyes and fell into a light sleep. Her whole body ached. Naraku's words still buzzing in her ears; "I will break you taijiya. You will carry my heir." She shiverd violently in her sleep. Miroku sat by watching, ashamed that he could do nothing to comfort her with out makeing her draw back. He frowned, and hoped that she would heal soon. He hated seeing her so scared. The once tough, beautiful, and gracefull taijiya,  
was broken, cold, and scared beyond all hope. He wanted to heal her and make her whole again.

Inuyasha and Kagome came in. They both sat next to the worried houshi and stared at him for a while. His eyes were fixed on the sleeping form. Kagome put a hand on his shoulder. He looked at her and brushed off her hand. She frowned, and gave him a tight hug. Miroku pushed her off him lightly. He shook his head and turned back to Sango.

"Get some sleep Miroku-sama." Kagome said, "I'll watch her."

"No." he said flatly.

"But you really need your rest." Kagome pressed.

"No." he said again.

"Just leave him alone, " Inuyasha snapped at the miko, "let him be by himself." The hanyou got to his feet and walked out. Kagome followed him.

Miroku felt tears building up in his eyes. He let one slip, then he wiped it away. Soon he had so many tears, so he desided to let them all out. He started to tremble. His breath become short and stiffled. Sango stirred hearing him cry.  
She built up all the courage she had left, and hugged him. He stiffend, and relaxed when he saw whom it was. He hugged her back, and they both fell asleep in eachothers arms.

Kagome walked in the hut in the morning and saw them. Their faces were still streaked with tears. Kagome smiled, despite that. She was just happy to see that Sango was not as afraid of anyone anymore. It was a small step, but it was a sign of recovery.  
She walked to Inuyasha, who smiled at her.

"It makes you happy to see her progress and move forward, huh?" Inuyasha said.

"Hai," Kagome nodded, "I hope she can become happy again."

"She will," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "It's just going to take some time."... 


	4. not Naraku's, but Miroku's

And If I leave... ch..4

chapie # 4...Kool! I don't have very many reviews for all my stories though :( I feel sad now!... Ah well,  
on with the story!

Sango woke up and was slightly startled to see that she was being embraced. She slipped out of Miroku's arms and was trembling. 'I got too close! What if he was going to-' 'Don't be stupid.' her inner vioce said, 'This is Miroku for crying out loud! He's not Naraku, your safe with Miroku okay?' Sango stoped trembling and scooted toward the sleeping houshi. "Safe?" she said, as she touched his cheek. He gently grabed her hand and kissed it. He was awake!  
Sango blushed and tugged on her hand, but he pulled her down to his level.

"Hai Sango-chan," he smiled, "Your safe with me." Sango blushed even more, but she wraped her arms around him and began to cry.

"Arigatou." she choked. He held her close and whisperd into her ear that it was no problem.

"I need to get over my fear," she said, "Can you help me Houshi-sama?"

"I'll help you in anyway I can." Miroku replied, "Now what is it you need me to do?"

"I need you to...lay me." she said.

"What?! Sango-chan, I don't understan why I would have to-" he was cut off.

"Becuase that's the only way I won't be scared." Sango explained, "If I do the thing that I'm scared of then I won't be scared of it anymore."

"Sango-chan..." he sighed, "I can't do that to you."

"Why not? You always asked me before." Sango said, "Is it because you hate-"

"Sango-chan! I would never hate you." he told her, taking her hand. "I just don't want to take advantage of you."

"Your not! I'm telling you to do it!" she pleaded.

"I can't, no matter how bad I want to." Miroku frowned.

"Please! I'm begging you too!" she begged.

"Sango...Damn it, I'm trying to be responcible here!...But if it's what you really want."

she nodded, "Hai, it is. I always wanted my first time to be with you." she blushed...

...Kagura watched the whole time until they were finished. "Hmmm Naraku will get angry when he hears this.' she thought.  
She crawled quietly out of the bushes and scabled back to Naraku's castle. Naraku grew angry when he heard the news.  
"Sango and that damn houshi mated huh?" he snarled, "Are you sure that she's pregnant?"

"Hai, Naraku." Kagura responded, "She's growing plumper by the day."

"Well soon that baby will posesses her." Naraku laughed, "Then she'll have to come back to me!"

"Wait, you acctaully fell for that mortal?" Kagura sneered, "how pathetic."

"Sango is diffrent form any other human I have met." Naraku said.

"Whatever." Kagura said, walking off...

Miroku layed by his lover, (who was fast asleep) and smiled. He looked at the mark on her neck, Naraku's mateing mark.  
He smirked, and held Sango close. 'Your mine now, Naraku will never take you again.' He smiled and rubbed her plump tummy.  
"And I will raise this child as if it is my own.' Sango smiled in her sleep, and she held him back. That was the first time in a long time that Miroku felt that everything was okay. 


	5. Under the summer rain

And If I Leave... Ch..5- Under the summer rain. 

_"For a change,_

_I'll refrain,_

_From hideing all of me from you._

_ Pray for rain,_

_ loose your name,_

_and watch all your dreams fall through."_  
-AFI "Summer Shudder"

It was bliss, sure and complete bliss. The days went by pleasingly. Sango and Miroku got only closer with each passing day. Sango smiled a lot more, and she returned to her old self again. (Besides her protruding belly)  
Naraku grew infuriated with such closeness between them. Kagura merely laughed at his patheticness.  
Sango and Miroku walked together, hand in hand to no where in paticular. It was a hot summer night and stars shined brightly.  
It mesmerised Sango. Miroku smiled at her, but she was too fascinated with they sky to see him.

"Your so kawaii, Sango-chan." Miroku said.

Sango blushed, letting go of his hand to sit on the grass. She still gazed at the moon, and would let out an occasional sigh.

"Sango?" Miroku asked, "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer, but merely nodded.

Miroku sat next to her. He embraced her and almost cried. This all happend because he desided to run away. Now the once strong taijiya was broken, emotionly and phyisicly. Much more than she already was. Sango pulled herself out of depression and hugged Miroku back.  
Then, it started to rain. They got up and started to walk. Miroku walked in front of Sango and took hold of her shoulders,as the rain poared over thier faces. He kissed Sango, holding her closely to him. He wraped his arms around her waist. Sango kissed him back, placing her arms around his neck.  
They stayed that way for what seemed like forever before they were soaked to the bone. Miroku smiled and pulled away.

"I love you, Sango." he said.

"I love you too, Miroku." Sango replied.

"Sango," Miroku started, "Will you marry me?"

"Y-Yes!" Sango answerd, as tears of joy slid down her cheeks. Ultemently the tears were washed away by the rain.

Miroku and Sango finally headed back toward the campsite. When they arrived, everyone was asleep. Sango smiled and layed out a bedroll for herself and Miroku. After they got settled in Miroku gaive Sango a a long goodnight kiss which she returned gratefully.  
They fell into the clutches of sleep not a moment sooner...

"Get that thing away from me!" A villager shouted.

"Gomen." Sango said, "He won't do it again. He's a good kid, I swear."

"You can hardly call that thing a kid." the woman spat.

Sango walked off, draging Sasuke behind her. He frowned feeling Sango's offended aura.

"Hanheue?" Sasuke asked, "Why are you so upset?"

"Because that woman was very rude to you." Sango replied.  
"Gomen natsai." Sasuke said.

"For what?" Sango asked

"Everyone yells at me for even looking at them, I've made you and Miroku outcasts."

"I've told you to call him chinchue, not Miroku okay?"

"Hanheue, your changing the subject."

"Just ignore them Sasuke, they are not worth your time."

"Okay..race ya home!"

They ran all the way to the headman's hut. Miroku and Kirara greeted them happily. Soon they all ate dinner and were off to bed as the rain pellted on thier hut. Naraku watched them through a window. He frowned as he watched as Sango and Miroku held eachother.  
Sasuke was in his own room sleeping. Naraku stared at the young hanyou, almost laughing for the fact that he once a hanyou also.

"You'll be home soon my son, and you too Sango." he said as he disapeared into the pelting rain...


	6. The Black Parade, Turnes White!

And If I Leave... ch..7-The Black Parade, Turns White 

(A/n)- This chapie is based on Miroku's emotions and how he feels. Like guilt, and who is to blame for what happend. 'Cause think about it, Naraku or Miroku could be blamed for this. So who is it? Naraku or Miroku?  
You can deside that for yourselfs.

_When I was a young boy,_

_My father took me into the city,_

_To see a marching band,_

As he slept hate built up in him.

_He said, "son when you grow up,_

_Would you be the savior of the broken, _

_The beaten and the damned?"_

_He said, "Will you defeat them?_

_Your demons, and all the non-belevers,_

_The plans that they have made?"_

_"Because one day I'll leave you,_

_A phantom, to lead you in the summer,_

_To join the black parade."_

Hate of Naraku, for all he did. His grand father, his father, and soon him, all would dissapear into a void.  
His newest action sent Miroku over the edge. Sango didn't deserve anything he did to her. And it was all because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was bad enough to take her village and her brother and use his against her,  
but to rape her too? There was no way he would get away with this one.

_When I was a youngy boy,_

_My father took me into the city, _

_To see a marching band,_

_He said "Son when you grow up,_

_Would you be the savior of the broken, the_

_Beaten and the dammed?"_

And it was all because he, (Miroku) ran away from his fears. He could not let Naraku live for this one. He would die, surely this time. 'But if you thought about it, who is to blame? ' Miroku thought, 'Naraku or is it I? We could easily both have partcail blame,  
but I still beleve that Naraku is at fault.'

_Sometimes I get the feeling,_

_She's watching over me,_

_and other times I feel like I should go,_

_Through it all, the rise and fall,_

_The bodies in the streets,_

_And when your gone we want you all to know._

The morning came befor he knew it. Sango was still asleep, as was Sasuke. Miroku smiled at his small family, and felt pride build up in him.  
He has treated Sasuke like his own son, but there was something about him that Miroku couldn't trust. It was like he wa splotting constanly.  
It made Miroku on gaurd all the time, as if he was ready for Naraku to jump out at them and take Sango and Sasuke. But they were only silly thoughts of course.

_We'll carry on, _

_We'll carry on,_

_And though your dead and gone believe me,_

_Your memory will carry on._

_We'll carry on,_

_And in my heart I can't contain it,_

_The anthem won't explain it._

Sango soon woke after him and began to cook breakfast. He informed her that he was going to take a bath in the near-by spring and that he would be back in time too eat. She nodded and kept her cooking with Sasuke at her heels.

_A world that send you reeling, _

_From dicimated dreams,_

_Your misery and hate will killa us all,_

_So paint it black and take it back, _

_Let's shout it loud and clear,_

_Defiant to the end we hear the call,_

He layed in the warm water for what seemed like hours, and finally slipped out. Slowly he headed toawrd the village and returned home.  
Sango and Sasuke were laughing, and someone was sitting on a futon near-by. When Miroku saw whom it was he smiled.

"Hello Houshi-sama." Said a very cheery Kohaku.

_To carry on,_

_We'll carry on,_

_And though you're dead and gone believe me,_

_Your memory will carry on,_

_We'll carry on, _

_And though your broken and defeated,_

_your weary widow marches on._

"Hello." Miroku greeted happily. "How in the world did you escape Naraku?"

"He let me go." Kohaku smiled.

"Nani?! That easily?" Miroku said, stunned.

"Yes of course." Kohaku answerd.

...Later that night Naraku watched Miroku and Sango. The cuddled close together, it made him furious. He wanted to strike Miroku down right there, but then he thought of Sango's reaction. She would die, surely. He ponderd on what to do. He set Kohaku free, that's one thing, but Miroku, his compitition? He had to think hard. If Miroku died, so would Sango, but if he lived, Sango would live with him forever, either way Miroku beneifits. Naraku looses either way. 'Damn this wheel of fate.' Naraku thought bitterly, 'There's only one thing I can do'  
Naraku took a sutra from his pocket and threw it on Miroku's head. He chanted a spell and again dissapeared into the night, frowning in a most unsatisfiing way as he went.

_On and on we carry through the fears,_

_Ooh oh ohhh_

_Dissapointed faces of your peers,_

_Ooh oh ohhh_

_Take a look at me 'cause I couldn't care at all,_

_Do or die, you'll never make me,_

_Because the world will never take my heart,_

_Go and try, you'll never break me,_

_We want it all,_

_We want to play this part,_

_I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar,_

_Give a cheer, for all the broken,_

_Listen here, because it's who we are,_

_I'm just a man, I'm not a hero,_

_I'm just a boy who has to sing this song..._

_I! DON'T! CARE!_

The first thing Miroku notised about the next morning is that he had a used sutra on his forehead. He tried to read it but it was in some strange forgien language,  
that he didn't recall ever seeing before. The felt the erge to look at the kazanna, he did so. Nothing. No wind, no gust, no hole. Sango woke next to him and cried when he showed her. At that moment they both felt joy that they have never felt before. Miroku kissed Sango so passionatly that she could hardly breathe when they broke apart. She couldn't help but still cry. She had never been so happy in her life. She had to attmit, she owed Naraku for this one.

"We'll get married, first thing tomarrow!" Miroku said.

"O-ok," Sango said, choking back tears. "I-I love-e y-you."

"I love you too." Miroku replied hugging her.

_Do or die, you'll never make me, (we'll carry on)_

_Because the world, will never take my heart,(we'll carry on)_

_Go and try, you'll never break me! (we'll carry on)_

_We want it all, we want to play this part, (we'll carry on)_

That was the best day of Miroku's life, all that he could rember, no days were as happy as this one. He had won. Sango was his and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Naraku gave up on trying to be strong, he killed himself on the wedding day. Almost all of Japan celebrated and most were congradulating the newst married couple, and their son. And every night before they went to bed, Sango, Miroku, Kohaku, and little Sasuke all thanked Naraku for what he did, because of him they were all free. Even though he was evil, he still had Onigumo's kind heart.


	7. The turning point

And If I leave...Ch..6 

Sango woke one morning next to a cheerful Miroku. He smiled and kissed her on the forehead before going out to tend to some of the village chores, though there was a lot less to do now that there were more taijiya-in-training there. He smiled as he headed toward the center of town to the well, peaple waving to him as he moved along. He waved and smiled politily back at them.  
A little girl ran up to him with her arms folded behind her back, she stopped him and was smiling up at him. She finally showed the items behind her back.  
Irises.

"Can you give these to Lady Sango for me, Houshi-sama?" she asked, holding out the flowers and staring at her feet.

"Why sure! I'm sure she'll love them, they are her favorite flowers," He replied smiling.

"Arigatou," she said bowing in thanks before she turned around, heading back to her friends.

He moved on, finally reaching the well and geting two buckets of water. He turned and headed back toward home, smoke starting to rise from all the huts, as the taijiya started to rise and start a fire for early breakfast, chores, and training. He walked, his back just now starting to feel the weight of the buckets of water. His breathing increased, but he was calm, now seeing his hut in front of him. He set down the buckets in front of the large hut and walked inside. Sango was cooking with Kohaku, showing him good herbs to use, and Sauske was siting by the table in the dinning hall.(sp?) (A/N: You have to rember that Sango was the headman's daughter, so they have something equivulent to an estate basicly.) He smiled and huged Sango, who smiled up at him and gave him a taste of the soup she was making. He smiled and told her it was great. He gave her the flowers and explained who they were from. He moved toward the dinning hall. He patted his dear Sasuke on the head and he (Sasuke) showed him a drawing he made for him. Miroku smiled and gave thanks, then headed toward the kitchen to help Sango with the cooking...

Sango soaked in the hot water, never wanting to submurge from it's warm spell. She sighed with relief and relaxed in the water, it making her more and more drowzy by the second; she kept glancing to the stars as if she just figured out that they were there. She stared at them for the longest time, until she heard footsteps behind her...'Miroku', she sighed, now a little less paraniod knowing who it was. He came down smiling as he always did. He unrobed and joined her in the water, it casting a spell of relaxation over him too. He gave her a kiss on the forehead, as he always did, and she smiled up at him. He sat next to her in the springs. She blushed slightly and kept her eyes focused on the stars. He smiled and pulled her onto his lap, she blushed even more. He kissed her on the lips lightly and she kissed him back, he smiled and let her off his lap.

Sango got out of the spring and wraped a towel around herself and walked to the estate...

...Meanwhile...

Sasuke looked over at Kohaku, who smiled back at him. He had the oddest sensation to go over and strangle Kohaku, but he resisted sensation and went on drawing his little pictures. Soon he felt another impulse to hurt Kohaku,  
it was burning him, it's like he had to do it in a way; he began to move toward the older boy, a weapon ready for action. Kohaku turned and knocked the weapon out of Sasuke's hand, it slidding acoss the room. 'What the hell is he doing'  
Kohaku thought, 'Please hurry and get home aneue.'...

cliffy i kno but im getting writers block again! gah! . i hate it! ahh well, next chapie update will be letters! w00t! w00t!


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